So 2011 might have been the best year to be a video gamer ever… we got great games, massive releases and new trends, features and pre-releases. As the nights draw in the gaming sessions will get longer and we have a great collection of games to spend time with too. Over the past few months we seem to get a classic ever few weeks and a few weeks ago we got the best of the bunch in the form of Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim. I have already stumped hours into this game and have many more to give. The brilliance of this blank canvas is that it shows me exactly what I am really like by taking my real world personality to the extreme.
Wimp
I’ll be honest the first few hours I’ve travelled around Skyrim I’ve shown most things the French heel. It’s difficult to imagine what it’s like to be stalked by two sabre-toothed tigers but now I have a pretty good idea and it’s terrifying. I don’t like being beaten so I’ll usually choose a side with the team that likely to win; it’s the main reason why I don’t support the English Football team and also why I can’t bring myself to play a game of cricket.
Hoarder
I suppose I already know this really as I spend most of my money on, games, movies, Cd's and frankly a lot of shit too. Obviously this shows that my hoarding routes were already quite established before Skyrim took a hold on my life. In my personal life I would hoard as much as my Nord if I thought there was any chance that you wouldn’t miss that giant slab of venison from your table. Of course there are acceptable examples of hoarding in Skyrim especially in the case of selling for money but I think I’ve taken this to the extreme. Why do I really need 500 arrows when I’ve only fired my bow once? More to the point why do I need three bows when I’ve only fired one arrow? Why do I find it acceptable to carry 175 apples when I’ve yet to use one in my cooking pot? Ok the only reason I can give is that when I find someone in the game that really annoys me I’m going to drop all my arrows and apples in his house so he looks like dirty health hazard.
Torture
Hurting something in intuitive ways really appeals to my boredom side. I have often found myself on a long haul walk, or ride if I’ve stolen your horse, and come across a hapless creature behind a bush. I wonder whether to fire my bow for the second time in my life and take the creature out in a quick, painless way but that’s not nearly interesting enough. Instead I run full pelt at it and chase it across half the mountain range until I see it edging nearer the Cliffside. It turns wondering why I’ve yet to hurt it and for a split second thinks it’s made a mistake thinking I’m a predator. Unrelenting Force rushes from my shout and the unsuspecting creature is pushed 30 meters from the safety of the mountain where it falls crashing into rocks and breaking bones until it finally comes to a stop 10 full seconds later and 200 foot down. With that I wander down the mountain and set him (or her) on fire so their spirit isn’t cold on its way to the afterlife.
I’m not one to kill animals in my real life but then I’m also no fan of killing gangsters but GTA IV makes me do that too.
Sometimes I even get unsuspecting townsfolk of Skyrim to follow me out into the wilderness where I leave them when wolves attack. It’s not humane but it is very colourful.
Easily Led
It is a wonderful day in Riften; the children are playing, the guards are polite and the townsfolk keep giving me a glancing smile as I pass their way. The sun is shining and my mood is sweet, I couldn’t be in happier as I round the corner of the pub – urgh - some bloke bashes straight into me. I speak to him but he doesn’t even acknowledge his rudeness or realise his subordination… I draw my sword and BAM I slice his throat before his own son comes around the corner. I shout ‘Your next boy’ as the guard’s spring out from everywhere. ‘I did not mean to hurt him’, I say as the upholders of the law slowly approach. BLAM my fire spell goes off and the guards hit the floor. It’s such a shame that they all have such terrible loot too. They should really know that’s what happens when you ruin my day.
I really have lost count of the times I’ve rage attacked someone or stolen a friends belongings, money and weapons. I wouldn’t trust me, neither should you!
Money
Like Demi Moore in striptease, I’ll do anything for the right price. Skyrim has shown me that I will literally kill a whole town for personal gain - I did it in Fallout 3 and I’ll do it again. I’m the capitalists dream – Murder? No Problem, Extortion? No Problem, Interspecies Erotica? No Problem, Nirnroot Collection? No Problem. Killing a Dragon for 10 Gold Pieces? Sign me up!
I know Skyrim has been a worldwide success but I still have a few gripes about the game. I’ll keep this short and sweet so you don’t all hounds me for being a blasphemer.
Firstly what the hell were Bethesda
Fallout 3 had a brilliant inclusion in the form of NPC locations on the main compass. This has now been removed but used to ensure that you didn’t have to explore every nook and cranny searching for the one character you need to speak to. The amount of times I’ve check a castle only to find the NPC I’m after standing or sitting next to the door I originally entered through is unbelievable.
Following on from this why can’t I add the Miscellaneous Quests to my compass? It’s downright annoying having to check my map every two minutes to see if I’m heading in the right direction and putting an ‘Active’ marker on the map is as difficult to distinguish as Jedward – it’s not clever and it’s not fun.
I have also noticed that I cannot increase my knowledge in cooking. Was I already the Gordon Ramsey of Tamriel? I can increase everything else so why can’t I cook a Beef Bourguignon?
Please Bethesda
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